Since I've gotten a few questions about my Shadow, I think I'll take the time to explain.
when I was first conscious of my Shadow, I was at Kione's with Eclipse for a sleepover. We took a long walk, and were just coming back from talking to the lovely trees by the Mormon church, when I saw the stars and they just looked so spectacular that night that I ran towards them, smiling like a much younger soul. I dropped my purse and began leaping around, twirling, dancing basically. Eclipse and Kione soon joined me, and a little later on we decided to try casting a circle together. we left our stuff outside the circle, except for basic necessities (ie, clothes....) and when we finished casting it we just sat and talked, it was incredibly nice. we decided it was time to go home (no need to scare the parents more than usual) and we closed our circle, and grabbed our stuff to leave. about halfway back I realized I didn't have my cell phone and I ran back. all of a sudden, we all got this horrible feeling something bad was going to happen, and Kione hollered for us to stay together, but by this time Eclipse and I were far ahead. I remember taking my sandals off and handing them to Eclipse as I continued racing on. I got to where I remembered having my phone, and stopped, dead cold. the air surrounding me was freezing, and I saw a dark figure bending over my phone. It was dark enough to make out that it was a tall figure, inhuman really, but I could also see through it. I ran to my phone and snatched it up, halted, and looked around. I saw three shadows, and I was so terrified that I, to use Ricks term, "hauled ass outta there". We half ran all the way back to Kione's and I felt like something was following us, as did Kione and Eclipse. Kione and Eclipse put salt around the house, to protect the family. I remember feeling angry and terrified, and I went into the kitchen and made some spiced milk.
what I've learned about Shadows: Some can see them, others cant. they're negative powered, and can be violent. how to detect their presence? good ol' gut feelings, plus it seems to get colder when they're around. not very reasonable creatures.
a while later Eclipse told me she attempted to talk to her shadow, but it ignored her, and her new pet bird (named Luna...) became rather sick, and ended up dying...
my second encounter with my Shadow was at school. it was lunch time and my friends and I were just playing and running around, the usual. but when I was running it felt cooler than usual, and something grabbed my ankle and I fell. I still have the sprain from that (it was a month ago)
third encounter: I was sleeping over at Kiones again. We were supposed to have our ceremony, but couldn't, so we were inside just talking and everything. I felt drowsy and pulled the cover over my head. about a minute later it felt cooler, and I got angry and called out in thought.
"Shadow, Shadow, come talk to me. what are you, why do this, Don't think to flee! Hiding in the bushes, afraid to show a face? Luna is calling you, and I'm not afraid to fight!"
Rash behavior on my part, I know. I felt insanely sleepy when just a second ago I'd been wide awake, and I fell asleep. I had the most awkward dream, but I don't remember it. I woke up an hour later very sharply, as if someone had stuck me.
I'm preparing myself to fight again. I refuse to be beaten, and I'm not running away anymore.
On a rather different note, I had a "vision", I guess it's called. I saw Kione, Eclipse and I. we were older, and had our dedication necklaces on. We were smiling widely, and were hiking in the most beautiful green land. I got the most pleasant feeling from it.
I have a lot more to say, but as I'm unsure how to say it, and I'd rather not keep rambling on, Blessed be!
We didn't do our dedication ceremony (read kione's blog to find out about that) I faced my Shadow and He was being a brat and didn't speak but He knocked me out for an hour. Sea cadets was hard work. and I got a..... how to call it....I don't really know but I saw myself years ahead of where I am now. I'll explain later. Tomorrows my birthday and I've never been this depressed about it.
I'm facing my Shadow tonight. I just know it. And the damn thing better be ready, because I'm not backing down! I WILL face him, I WILL beat him! how I know it's a male, I'm not sure.
Well, to start off, My dedication ceremony will be tomorrow night if I can manage to convince my mother to let my sleep over at Kiones. a couple days after that is my fourteenth birthday, and then on the thirteenth I have an appointment to have my ankle checked. today I start offseason track/post x-country. and I still have tons of chores waiting for me at home. Oh! and this morning Rick gave me such a lovely necklace. It's two dragons around a pentacle, on a black cord. Kione knew I wanted it for my dedication necklace, and told him to get it for me. so I owe Kione a huge glomping hug! hahaha, I already gave him a hug and a kiss or two. ;) so theres my positives.
my negatives right now are that my mums being overly protective, and her and my father aren't pleased that I'm dating someone 4 years older than I am. they don't know I'm wiccan and I'm going to spend the weekend at my grandmothers, so I'm unsure whether I'll be able to go to Kione's this friday night. My mum works at the school, which leaves me very little friend time since she' always lurking around the place. My Best guy friend (we have.."minor"...crushes on each other) has a girlfriend, and I know I shouldn't care because I have a boyfriend, but I feel that his new gf is so incredibly lucky. (He lives in oklahoma, I live in California....distance issues....)
Oh, and I almost jumped off the schools 2nd story yesterday. Luckily Rick saw me climbing up the rails and made me get down. HE was really upset and wouldn't let me out of his sight for a while. I think I really scared him.... I have no idea what I was doing! It's like...I just wanted to end. Which is far from how I usually am. Bobby (the one in Oklahoma) found out and told me the only reason he's getting help and working to be a better person is because of me, his crazy bitch, yelling at him until he did. So I've promised to stick around to make sure he does. great promise, isn't it? Kione got ticked a bit too, I think. those are the only three people besides myself that saw or heard about it. Maybe Joel (Kione's boyfriend) saw too, and didn't mention it. I think I need some help, but then again, I seem to be handling it ok.
All my life I've lived in this cage my parents made for me. sometimes a bar would fall off, and they would replace it...lately though I've been replacing it with my own bars. my bars are built out of what I fear, and now a few have escaped the cage. little fearful secrets, that I've attempted to hide. So here it goes. I'm getting an aneroxic mindset. I force myself to eat, and so far it's working. but everyday I have to make detours around the scale, so I'm not tempted to weigh myself and see how much I "have" to lose still. I'm also just slightly depressed. one little comment can often make me hurt, and I respond with anger or I wait and cry later. today I was told "Da**! your arms are f***ing hairy!" and it's something I'm just sensitive too, so I got upset and was unhappy for the rest of class. and I hadn't had breakfast, and for lunch I had a mini butterfinger crisp and a small small piece of bread. I need help, but I can't ask my parents to pay for me to go to a doctor for this. We don't have a lot of money, and those types of doctors are rather expensive. and we just don't have the time to go to some fancy doctor. and I can't drag my family through that stuff again. (my sister has OCD) my friends who know are helping me as much as can be done really, and I can't ask anymore of them. so tonight I'm probably going to end up pigging out and getting sick at my party that I'm not entirely happy about. Sorry, for ranting, and I hope none of you have to deal with problems like these.
